Only One Thing Left To Do

To My Future Wife,
I want you to understand that the thought of you is constantly on my mind and heart. I find my self thinking about and praying for you daily. Even through out my days I can not help but wonder what life will be like with you by side, how our kids would be and even how many there might be.

One thing you should not question is this, all these thoughts and thinking of you, do make me happy! I do not come with a perfect past, I have loved and lost and never again do I want to lose the one I love. This is why I write this letter…to PROMISE that I will love with all I am and do everything I can to come up with new ways to say it and say what you mean to me. I will vocalize, hold, protect and serve you. I give you my word that I will do my best to be everything a best friend, lover, husband and one day father should be.

If and when we are blessed with our family I will love them as I have promised to love you and to be everything they need me to be as a man, father and friend…an example. I refuse to end up as a statistic or another failed relationship. I will love you until this body breathes no more.

Now, there is only one thing left to do…Find out who you are and what God has in store!

- Yours.


Remembering What Once Was

Remind me again why I pushed you away my friend?
Why I threw dreams away from so long ago?
All I knew to do was build my defenses tall.
It seems to be that I’ve been damned to be alone.
Assurendly though, I know I’m destined for more.

With You absent, my sun is darker and the stars grow dim.
Without you I’ve been hurting, at an all time low.
For a while you were it, you were my all.
Look at us now, a lifetime later, oh how we’ve grown.
Will you stay? so we can see what the future has in store?

I’m glad we can talk again, I’d love to let you back in.
You have no idea of what I want, to let this love grow.
Get me high, just don’t let go, don’t let us fall.
Let you and me run away, start a family…build a home.
I’d love you forever. Babe, it’s with you, my life I want to explore.


Carpe Diem

Riddled by a past
So let the bad be gone
With this new life, let live
Do it right, make it last

Praying for chance
Seeking a hope
For me, the hope is you
Wanting, one more dance

Asking, kiss me now
Pleeding, hold me tight
Whisper, it'll be alright
Let us do away with these lonely nights

Home Sweet Home / Post Surgery

So a year or so ago my foot fractured or at least on the small bones in the foot called a sesmoid. Finally after a long restricted PT profile, x-rays, bone scans and ct scans I finally got the surgery needed to correct it. They had to remove the bone completely and while they were in shortened another bone as well.

When I woke up from anesthesia I thought they said something about a screw but wasn’t sure. I could care less really as long as the issue is fixed and I can return to duty as soon as possible but I heard right

oh well! Like I said, I just want to return to training and being able to get to the field. The healing process will take a few months and the added benefit to the procedure is one month of convalescent leave and I am back in Texas until the 20th of October!

I am looking forward to seeing friends and family and relaxing by the pool!


Twisted

How is it I can't trust you and yet you're still in my life?
Buried deep in truths and twisted in reason, it's been lies from the start.
How are we friends or do we just play the part?
Years have passed, dark days and lonelier nights had me wonder,
What are we doing, are we are addicted to the strife?
I ponder what could have become and what if it had been.
And all this time I thought it was my fears that kept us apart.
Broken, ruined and damned are terms you used for me
For you blamed her for breaking my heart, her for this scar.
My fears are absent from the cause of this.
Honest to God, I think it would be hell,
Constant, haunting feeling of being locked in a cell.
White as they may be, still to me lies they are.
Assure me and tell me to trust you again.
When I listen, watch as I show you the fool I am.

A Year Later…

While on most days it seems to have been longer than a year ago that I began this journey on some it seems like yesterday. On May 25, 2010, I left Houston, TX to go to Ft. Benning, GA to begin my Infantry osut (One station unit training) which is the combination of basic training and advanced individual training. While my initial contract was not for Infantry but as a Special Forces Candidate, the basic and ait is the same. Due to injury I was unable to stay in training with SF and received orders to be stationed with the 82nd Airborne Division, 3rd BCT, 2-505 parachute infantry regiment. I have been here with this line unit since late January.  In February I went and had my foot examined to find out it was in fact broken. This injury has sidelined me on a lot of training and I am in the process of healing and trying to get back to where I can run and ruck.

Ok…on to news, the 1-505 pir of my brigade 3rd BCT deploys this week to Afghanistan for a year. Please keep this unit in your prayers as they serve their tour. I know for a fact that everyone in my unit wishes that this was us or that we could be leaving with them.

As far as my unit goes, I have met some outstanding people and a few that are close friends. The next biggest thing that we are all anticipating is our block leave! I miss everyone more that I imagined possible and look forward to seeing them. While on the topic I want to say a HUGE Thank You to my family for the prayers, calls, videos, and support. While I am not over seas it still feels like a million miles separate me from them.

I mentioned I’ve met new friends and acquaintances but I still miss the ones that were closest to me and seem to have lost contact with. In joining I knew there would be sacrifices, but in my mind it wouldn’t be the loss of contact with friends…especially while state side. But as one of my favorite authors Robert Frost said, “In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life, it goes on.” I’ll continue to do what I can and let time sort out the rest.

Since I’ve been gone the question I have been asked the most is, “Do you still believe you made the right choice in joining?”. My answer is and will continue to be yes! My only wish right now is to get the chance sooner than later for a deployment. Once back I have a few options within my initial contract time and they are to either stay enlisted and further my training with Ranger School and then I can back to either SF training or stay in a line unit. The other option is take advantage of the Army’s Green to Gold program and finish my school, do OCS (officer candidate school) and accept a commission as an officer. I still have a good bit of time to make that decision, my priority for the moment is to heal, train, and deploy.

Thank you again for all of your support. If there is anything I can do for you or if you have questions let me know!

- Joe


Brunette Veil

This long curly-haired brunette could steal the show.
She walks in and by the silence you’d swear they’d seen a ghost.
Fun loving, Life of the party, most confident girl I know.

The world at her finger tips and yet she’s shadowed by a past,
As we all have, mistakes were made that she fears will always last.

Impeccable smile and has the sexiest of stares.
But when she’s scared she hides behind her brunette hair.
Unsure of men and if that history will happen again,
she swore them off and said screw you to all the them.

Who can blame her? They’d put her through hell,
Beat and kept her down, she stayed in her shell.

By chance, I met this girl,
She held my hand, glared into my eyes and said I hate you.
I bet you’re like all the other men.
But the way she held on to me I could finally see beyond that brunette veil.


Hear Them Ring

At the end of the day, I know I’m not some great writer, but writing has always been an way to clear my head and escape. Read it slow as some the phrasing is a little out of place, but that’s how it came out so I’m keeping it the way it is.

“Hear Them Ring”

Quiet whispers of a first hello will forever echo in my soul.

Memories from the first time our eyes ever met shall carry me through.

In a thousand lifetimes I’d still know and prefer the sweetness of your kiss.

No temptation or any earthly thing could make me stray from the want of you.

Like the suns brings warmth to a cold winter morn, so does your smile for this heart of mine.

When I am here and all alone, it is the simplest thought of you that I most miss.

Your my best friend, the woman that may never know I ever fell for you.

I’ll be ruined if I live this life unsure if you thought without you, I’d be fine.

To live without you would be a life in hell, my heart wouldn’t be the same.

Listen now and close as I say these three little words, I love you.

Love the way you laugh, kiss, cry, and dance and to live without you is a shame.

Listen now and forever, hear them ring as I say the three words again, I love you.


He Waivers Not

I am too far from home right now and wish I could be there with you dad on your birthday. I love you and hope you have a day that is above and beyond all other days. I’ll see you in 29 days!

“He Waivers Not”

Aspiring to be a fire fighter and or super hero
All through childhood, I dreamt of what I would become.
Running through the woods I’d I play cowboys and gi joe’s
Without a care in the world I played and told of all I had done.

Life went on and I grew older
Some of those childhood highs soon become my adolescent lows.
My dreams turn into curiosity of what my future would hold.
I couldn’t just run along and pretend to always have fun
It was time to see reality and for life to begin.

Friends all around me came from broken homes.
They had no idea of what to do or who to be.
By no means was I a perfect kid but I knew who I was.

Time progressed and I never thought I’d be this “old”.
Never did imagine I’d go through even half of hell
Surely not that my heart would get so cold.
It’s because of my Dad that I knew I would live
God graced with me a mother and father that taught God would forgive

All my life I have had a buddy, brother, mentor, father, and hero.
When I imagined and would pretend as a kid to save the world
I see now that all I was doing was trying to be like him.

This man, my father, is the best of men I know.
He’s true to his word and waivers not from what he believes.
A leader of men and follower of God, that is my dad!

Now…I finally get to live my dream, I’m a gi joe!
I have the chance to fight for freedom, live and die for rights.
Sure I may not save the world, but there is a hope
If I can be half the man my father is, I can do so much more.

Happy Birthday Dad!


Update

It’s been a long time since I last wrote anything here. I have wanted to for a while now sit down and sum up the experience I have had since joining the Army. So…here goes nothing!

The journey started back in May on the 25th, I left for Ft. Benning in Georgia. I remember the bus ride from Atlanta to Columbus with 50+ other guys all wondering what we got ourselves into!The rumor on the bus was to expect a “shark Attack” from the Drill Sergeants, we imagined it to be exactly how it sounds!

When we arrived at Ft. Benning it was not at all as “bad” as I thought it might be. The first two weeks or so we spent in processing at 30th AG reception battalion. Here we had to go through countless medical procedures from hearing test to blood work and shots, also this is where we were issued our uniforms and clothes. The biggest surprise for most of us what the fact we were still allowed access to cell phones here. Also we were never “smoked” here or made to work out. That was all up to us. The worst thing they would do is come through and mess up the bay (the barracks were one big room with bunk beds) if it was not cleaned properly.We counted down the days to when we would go “down range” in this case we were talking about basic. Finally the day came, we packed up what we had in a duffle bag and a drawstring laundry bag.We heard that you would have to hold one of these bags over head during what would be the “Shark Attack” for a long time. With that being said I did my best to distribute the weight evenly!I’ll tell you this it didn’t matter what bag you packed what in, you held both over your head for long enough for the pain to set it. The first day was rough for sure. I’m not going to go into every little exercise we did I would be here writing a while! This was the start of a 9 week process for basic training. In this 9 weeks we would learn first aid, marksmanship, physical fitness, diet, buddy carry, basic tactical maneuvers, all in all…just how to take care of ourselves and those around us. We would learn to be disciplined.The majority of basic training is taught on the idea that if one person is all jacked up, every one is all jacked up, this results in mass punishment. Through out basic there were some pretty retarded things that we got smoked for, but in the end it taught you to look after each other and make sure you square away your buddy.
For the entire 9 weeks there were few things to look forward to. One was the chance for a 5 minute phone call and the other was mail call. On most nights they would have us stand out side their office door in our bay and there we waited for our names to be called as it wasvread off the envelopes. Mail call was GREAT! well…except for those days that no mail came! God placed some very special people in my life and there were only few days that no mail came for me.The one other thing to look forward to was Family Day. Family day was a pass that we got for 36 hours upon the completion of basic training. It was amazing to get off base and enjoy a little of the real world and everything I have always taken for granted!

When we came back from Family day we had another 5 weeks or so of AIT (Advanced Individual Training). We had been deemed soldiers but had not yet earned the right to call ourselves Infantryman.The PT became a bit more intense and so did the field training that we were exposed to. We learned in this time frame more about U.S. weapons, moving in fire teams and small unit tactics. Everything we learned would be put to the test in our last field training exercise (FTX).

FTX was about 8 days long and was held in a make shift FOB (forward operating base..A big fenced in field with 10 guard towers and a controlled entry point.) We did 24 hr missions, 24 hr patrols, 24 hr op4 (play the bad guys for the other platoons), 24 hr guard towers, and 24 hr QRF (quick reaction force).On our mission day we set out early in the day and would not come back until the next morning. We rucked 5+ miles through the brush and would set up a road blocks, encounter ambushes, set up ambushes and work on land nav to get from point to point. On patrols, we were able to ride in Humvees and were given ccmck (paint rounds and yes they hurt!) for our M4 rifles. Patrols were done in full battle rattle including a paintball mask. Here we would have to clear a village and take out the enemy and obtain a HVT (high valued target).On the way back, we are given the scenario that we were ambushed and 3 out of 8 members are shot dead or wounded. We still have about 300-500 meters to go until we reach the front gate of the FOB. No man is ever left behind so we carried them, this is where the fatigue sits in…carrying your buddy while you are both in full kit.Playing the bad guys for the other platoons was an easier day as we would kick out small teams at a time giving the rest of the platoon time to rest. The guard towers were really boring! Every now and then a op4 team would show up and fire off some blanks and we could shoot back.Towers were manned by 4 man teams, two on the ground resting and two in the tower on guard, you switch out for sleep every 2 hours when you are not under fire. All week long you learn and relearn what you will use on your trip back, “The Bayonet.

The bayonet is a long ruck march that started late one night and would not end until around 4am at Honor Hill.Even though we were without showers or sleeping inside for 8 days during the Summer heat of Georgia we all were ready to get this Bayonet over with, it was the way home and at then end of it, we would become Infantrymen.

The final day came and we set out for this march. Every 2 miles or so, we would encounter an attack or some kind of artillery attack. We would have to carry the wounded, their rucks and their weapons for about 300 meters or so.By mile 6, you are hurting and ready for it to be over. As the hours pass on you start to recognize streets and know you are closer to where honor hill should be. As we rounded our last turn and could see the sky lit with the flames of bon fires and hear music blaring over loud speakers. (Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” by Disturbed)We all assembled in a formation, dropped our rucks and rifles and waited to enter through these huge wooded gates. I could write a really long time about honor hill and what the expressions on the faces of those around me, but I will keep it limited as possible.Once inside the gates and we were formed up, the Chaplain stepped forward and said a prayer. I’m not some big expressionist of emotion but this night it was hard to contain. All of the days leading to this point where I had wondered or questioned what it was I was doing here became clear and real. The prayer of the Chaplain and the words from our chain of command are something I will always remember. Tonight was the night that we completed all tasks required by our Country to have the right to defend her. At this Honor Hill we received our Infantry Cross Rifle Pin from our Drill Sergeants. This small pin from them and a hand shake meant more than I ever thought it would. I’ll never forget that night or what it meant to me.

The next week or two was spent in recovery mode. We had to clean all of our gear and the barracks. We finally graduated in September. Walking out across that graduation field with everyone who made it through basic with me and knowing my family was watching was an amazing feeling. I was proud for finishing every thing we did and I was extactic that my family was there to watch! That weekend, was a brief break before Airborne school and I got to spend that weekend with the family!

Airborne was awesome! The PT was pretty decent and we ran everywhere we went there. It was only 3 weeks long. 2 weeks of training and 1 week for jump week. I was scared to death when the day came to jump. As soon as my shoot opened and I saw the view, my breath was taken. It was amazing! The landing wasn’t the best the first time around, but I did it right and didn’t break anything! We had 5 total jumps that week.
After Airborne graduation, we went to a brief for all the Special Forces Candidates to find out what to expect next.

That day a bus brought us to Ft. Bragg, NC. I am now here awaiting to go the Special Operations Precourse out at Camp MacKall. I should have already gone with most of my buddies from basic but I got sick and held back.I will be leaving for the precourse on November 29th and coming back the 17th. On the 18′th of Dec I will be showing back up in Houston until the 2nd of January!When I come back out to Bragg I will be preparing to leave soon for Special Forces Selection. (2 weeks in hell…well now 3)
I am excited as ever to be here and can’t wait to see what is next! Thank you all so much for your prayers and thoughts, they keep me motivated and pressing on!


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